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Feel so numb by ~bincola:iconbincola:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Open


Cold eyes, cold heart
dissapointment floods a face of previous pride.
anger contorts his face,
lips curl in rage
animal act of anger.
spittle flies faster than the insults
battering incessantly at my sanity.
mind numb, insults sap my pride
the paternal leech, suckling,
content at watching my misery.
Effort dismissed, acts of kindness ignored.
his now cold eyes see only failure.
Numb, no pride, no love, no happiness
no father.
to his eyes I'm scum,
My eyes, my heart, my mind,
Numb.
©2005-2009 ~bincola
:iconbincola:

Author's Comments

a poem about how my relationship with my dad has totally gone tits up

Comments


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:iconinmyroom:
~inmyroom Sep 8, 2005, 1:40:57 AM
This is a very expressive piece, I'm sorry you don't have a very good relationship with your dad :(

I would try work on the first two lines, if you are looking to improve this piece, they come off a little cliche. Try to describe those things in a different way, you can always use a thesaurus to help you :)
:iconflameinnight:
~flameinnight Sep 9, 2005, 1:30:56 AM
Hey dude havent seen u in ages like this peice but i agree with inmyroom the first line could possibly read better as "Dull eyes, frozen heart"
and perhaps some more words realted to the numb sensation i.e. Anaesthetized, unfeeling, insensitive and also sorry about ur dad hope that these suggestion help ur piece also love these
"line spittle flies faster than the insults
battering incessantly at my sanity."

--
As i walked through the tree topped path the sun broke through there scattered leaves i started to cry, nay i wept as the sunlinght touched my face
:iconbincola:
~bincola Sep 14, 2005, 4:34:35 AM
thanks muchly :)

--
~"Every breath you take is an assult on my honour"~My lord and master Prince Vegeta
:spyed: :ninja: :katana: :ninjabattle: :ninjastar: :meditate: :ninjaeat:
~I'm watching you from the shadows~ :fusionrock:
~errrrrrrrrrr C
:iconbincola:
~bincola Sep 14, 2005, 4:36:40 AM
cheers mate i like those lines as well, am proud of the conveyed description.

--
~"Every breath you take is an assult on my honour"~My lord and master Prince Vegeta
:spyed: :ninja: :katana: :ninjabattle: :ninjastar: :meditate: :ninjaeat:
~I'm watching you from the shadows~ :fusionrock:
~errrrrrrrrrr C
:iconstr1nger:
~str1nger Sep 20, 2005, 6:30:39 PM
Im not a man, im a horse,

Oh my gawd, your a horwus,

well actually im not a horse, im a broom

how do you feel about that?

well to be wi you die-ann im suwpwised

gimme a call mate if ya want to chat about you and yur dad

laters :glomp:

--
Please take a look, thanks

My Gallery
Front Page

Proud to be British

:flaguk: :boogie: :dance: :strip: :dance: :boogie: :flaguk:
:iconbincola:
~bincola Oct 3, 2005, 11:12:13 AM
lol always a classic mate, yeah i might do that, love the naruto/ramen fing lol

--
~"Every breath you take is an assult on my honour"~My lord and master Prince Vegeta
:spyed: :ninja: :katana: :ninjabattle: :ninjastar: :meditate: :ninjaeat:
~I'm watching you from the shadows~ :fusionrock:
~errrrrrrrrrr C
:iconpodchick:
~PODchick Feb 23, 2006, 2:52:45 PM
my dad/step dads are both dicks. I hate them both! I know how u feel

--
Don't cry scream, kick, punch, pull, bit, and even hit him with your head if you have to. But when your done make sure you wipe your face and lock up when you leave his house, he might have friends. O_o
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